Is Your Parent in a Romance Scam? How to Talk About It

Maybe your mother has started mentioning a new friend she met online. Maybe your father is suddenly secretive about his phone, or asks to borrow money for reasons that do not quite add up. If you are worried that a parent is caught up in a romance scam, you are not alone — and how you raise it matters almost as much as what you say.

Why do romance scams work so well?

Romance scammers are patient. The Federal Trade Commission describes how they may chat several times a day to build a relationship before any request for money appears. By the time it does, the relationship feels real, and the attention can be genuinely comforting.

The losses are large. In 2025, people 60 and older reported about $584 million in losses from confidence and romance scams to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center — and many victims never report at all.

EXAMPLE — SCAM

Today 7:22 AM●●● ▮

D Daniel (new contact) Text message

Good morning, my love. I dreamed about you again. Only 3 more weeks on this platform and then I can finally hold you.

There is a problem with my contract payment and my bank account here is frozen. I need $2,400 for the customs fee to release my equipment. I will pay you back the day I land. Please don’t tell your children yet, they won’t understand us.

What are the signs your parent is in a romance scam?

For the full checklist, see the signs of a romance scammer. The FTC lists several patterns that show up again and again:

• The person cannot meet in person — they live abroad, work on an oil rig, are in the military or work for an international organization.
• They move the conversation off the dating site to email, texts or another messaging app.
• They talk about love very quickly and make plans for the future.
• A money request appears: medical bills, a plane ticket, a visa, or fees to get out of trouble.
• They offer to help with investing, often in cryptocurrency. Social Security’s scam page warns that scammers build friendships or romances over time before offering to help trade or invest money.
• They want payment by wire, gift card, money transfer app or cryptocurrency — methods that are hard to trace and nearly impossible to reverse.

How do you talk to your parent about it?

Choose a calm moment. Avoid raising it in front of others or in the middle of an argument.

Lead with interest, not suspicion. “Tell me about him. How did you meet?” lets your parent share without feeling judged. Listen for the warning signs above.

Avoid the word “stupid” — and anything like it. Shame makes people hide things. Remind your parent that these scams are run by professional criminals who fool people of every age and education level.

Suggest checking together. The FTC recommends a reverse image search of the person’s photos; if the same pictures appear under other names, that is a strong sign of a scam. Searching the person’s claimed job together with the word “scammer” can also turn up stories that sound very familiar.

Agree on one rule. The FTC’s advice is simple and easy to remember: never send money or gifts to someone you have not met in person.

For a broader look at how these scams work and where to report them, see our guide to romance scams.

What if your parent already sent money?

Contact the bank or the company used to send the money as soon as possible, explain that it was a scam and ask for a refund. Report the profile to the dating site or app, and report the scam at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. Be especially careful afterward: people who have lost money are often contacted by “recovery” scammers. Our guide on the first hour after a scam explains what to do next.

Our guide to where to report a scam lists every agency, by type of scam and by state.

Related: 9 signs of a romance scammer and how to protect an aging parent from scams.